Today was certainly a big day for this IVF journey. It also was one of those days! Every step of the way I was met with an obstacle. But, every obstacle was turned into an opportunity for a solution.
If you read my last post you'll see that I am on vacation and I was not prepared to start my cylcle this weekend. I didn't have my Menopur and I had to find a place to give me the ultrasound I need to start my cycle. When I called this morning, the hospital was like there is no way you can have a transvaginal ultrasound today. They had said I could have it done today just yesterday, so this was a shock. But, after a bunch of calls and some tears I was able to get in.
Then it appeared it was going to cost about $1000 out of pocket for the procedure but after a few calls to my insurance and about an hour and a half of time spent and some more tears we were able to get everything covered.
Then my package that was sent to me with my medication hadn't arrived by noon like it was supposed to. And when I called UPS they said it was stuck at the hub in Vineyard Haven. So I drove there, and they said it was out for delivery.
The package came at 4:45 PM essentially the same time as I got the green light to start my meds. So, I went to inject them. I started with the Gonal-f. I've done this before so with a quick you tube refresher, I was good to go. Then on to the Menopur; I went to look at what I needed and I didn't have the right needles for the sub-q injection. I had to run out to the pharmacy to get some needles. So around 5:45, I was able to inject the Menopur. BOOM! I did it!!
In the end everything worked out but there were certainly a lot of obstacles today. I had been in pretty terrible spirits and stressed from the hormones of course; but also, feeling like I was swimming up stream for a good part of the day. And also it felt very evident that I was having to go through this struggle just to have a child again. I ended up talking to some people today at the hospital about what I went through to have my son throughout the day and it just brought back some of those really dark feelings. Not to mention, I am supposed to be enjoying myself on vacation this weekend! But, when I was able to focus on overcoming the obstacles and to focus on all the people who were so kindly helping me, I started to feel less like I was fighting against the current or reliving the past and more like I was just going with the flow.
I also happened to have one of my favorite spiritual books in my bag while I was waiting for my ultrasound. It's titled "Emmanuel's Book" A manual for living comfortably in the cosmos, by Pat Rodegast and Judith Stanton. This book is way out there and certainly not for everyone. But if you feel this fertility journey is a spiritual one for you and phrases like "In spirit the essence of your being is love" and "There is an overall plan of which you are not aware and to which you can only contribute by being who you are, doing your best, seeking your higher truth, and following your heart," ring true to you as well, I recommend the book highly. Today it really helped my depressed thinking lose it's mojo and allow me some emotional peace even in the face of a difficult day. Although, it also felt like I may have just short circuited on negative and had to detach a little from the stress of it all. Maybe it was a bit of both.
Regardless, I am feeling more optimistic and am excited to start this cycle. I really hope I make some nice eggs.