I was done. I swore it up and down. One IVF and I was done.
But, after my recent failed IVF, I was very not ok. I was go about your day like nothing was wrong but end up bawling ugly tears periodically and then screaming at someone for no reason kind of not ok. I really thought it would work first try.
I have been working through why it didn't work. And once we get the immune panel back we will have more information.
But, I am not done.
I've had some pretty clear signs that continuing to try to have a baby with Braverman as our doctor is the right thing for us to do.
And after deciding to keep trying, I have actually felt ok. No more crying or screaming. I have renewed hope.
So I am going to put on my warrior goddess armor and slay. I am going to get my baby and then I am going to live happily ever after.
First, I have to have a laparoscopic surgery to remove any endometriosis that's come back since my last surgery and remove my cul de sac (more on this in a later post). Then, I have to wait 6 weeks to heal. Then, we will do another IVF and pray pray pray that it works.
Do I want to have surgery? Do I want to continue to take drugs that make me look worse and feel worse physically, mentally and spiritually and live in the limbo and stress that goes hand in hand with the IVF process. He'll no.
But, I am going to do it? YES. It is likely the only way we can have another biological child and a sibling for our son. So, I am going to warrior goddess suit up and complete our family. I am going to trudge through these depths of hell - with the most positive attitude I can and keep my focus on all the great things in my life. I am going to pray and believe my body is healthy and strong and I will stay super healthy and strong through the process. And when we have another baby, it will be another joyous time in our lives just like when we had our first very loved child and we will know it was all worth it. Then, I will be better than ok.